- Joint raided! - No, no.
It's just our Raymond. Our lovable Sergeant Shaw.
All right, let's go, you men! Come on!
Let's go.
Come on, Sarge. Gertrude buy you beer.
What's the matter him?
I'm afraid our Saint Raymond, he don't approve.
Well, maybe he's got a girl back home or something.
Him? Our Raymond? Are you kidding?
Come on, Stevens, get up! Let's go!
- Hey, Silver, how about the robe? - What do you mean, my robe? Get outta here.
We gotta go. We gotta go.
Bad here.
- How do you know? - Chunjin born two miles from here, Captain.
So far, every place we've been in Korea, this joker was born two miles from it.
- What's so bad about it? - Tricky.
Swamp all around. Thirty yards up may be quicksand.
Nobody said anything about quicksand.
Can't we go around it?
No, Sergeant.
What's your personal advice?
All walk in single line next 200 yards.
Rejected. Not tactical to travel forward in a single line.
Patrol sink.
Can't we go around it?
- No, Sergeant. - Never mind.
Okay, pass the word.
This nation jealously guards its highest award for valor,
the Congressional Medal of Honor.
In the Korean War, with 5,720,000 personnel engaged,
only 77 men were so honored.
One of these 77 men was Staff Sergeant Raymond Shaw.
Raymond Shaw was returned from combat and flown directly to Washington
to be decorated personally by the president of the United States.
This is why his presence, or the presence of any Medal of Honor winner,
is sufficient to bring generals to their feet, saluting.
Congratulations, son. How do you feel?
Like Captain Idiot in Astounding Science Comics.
Hold it, General!
Hold it, General, please!
Come on, Jack. We've got to get in there quickly. Quickly!
Mother, what is this? What are you doing here?
- Senator Iselin, how about a statement? - Thank you, General.
How does it feel to be the father of a Medal of Honor winner?
He's not my father!
The senator is Raymond's stepfather. However, Raymond's always...
I can only say that as one who has devoted his life to the service of his country...
You did this, Mother.
You organized this disgusting three-ring circus.
But, darling, you're a Medal of Honor winner.
Incidentally, congratulations.
I was going to write to you, but we've been in the most frightful mess the last few months.
- This moment will stand out as the proudest... - All right, all right. Let him through.
That's enough now. That's enough, I say. Let him through.
Say "cheese."
All right, that's enough now. Let the poor boy through now. Please.
What is the matter with you, Raymond? We've gone to a good deal of trouble to...
- Arranged a parade for you and so forth. - A parade?
Get that... Get that out of here.
Why, you publicity-sick, flag-simple boob.
Raymond, just because your parents, and the entire country for that matter,
- happens to be proud of you... - Who's kidding who, Mother?
Johnny's up for reelection in November.
You've got it all figured out, haven't you?
Johnny Iselin's boy, Medal of Honor winner. That should get you another 50,000 votes.
Raymond, I'm your mother. How can you talk to me this way?
You know I want nothing for myself.
You know that my entire life is devoted to helping you and to helping Johnny.
- My boys. My two little boys. - Mother, stop it. Stop it.
- Stop it. - That is all I want.
On the afternoon of his arrival in Washington,
Raymond Shaw was decorated at the White House
by the president of the United States.
His citation attested to by his commanding officer,
Captain Bennett Marco,
and the nine surviving members of his patrol, read in part...
"Displaying valor above and beyond the call of duty,
did single-handedly save the lives of nine members of his patrol,
capturing an enemy machine gun nest
and taking out, in the process, a full company of enemy infantry.
He then proceeded to lead his patrol,
which had been listed as missing in action for three days,
back through the enemy lines to safety."
A gift from the Citizens For Iselin Committee for his last birthday.
It's absolutely saved our lives during the campaign.
You see, this opens up into a double bed.
This is the press room.
And this... this is my private office.
Anything to take the pain out of campaigning, huh?
That's what I always say.
May I take this thing off now, Mother?
Oh, Raymond, what is the matter with you?
You look as if your head were going to come to a point in the next 13 seconds.
Johnny, fix him a drink or something. Sit down, Raymond. Relax.
We'll be home in less than two and a half hours.
I'm not going home with you, Mother. I'm going to New York.
What?
I've got a job on a newspaper.
Research assistant to Mr. Holborn Gaines.
Holborn Gaines? That Communist?
He's not a Communist, Mother. As a matter of fact, he's a Republican.
But the terrible things he's written about Johnny.
He came to interview me at the White House this morning.
Afterwards, I asked him for a job. He gave it to me.
We discovered that we had a great deal in common.
What could you possibly have in common with that dreadful old man?
Well, for one thing, we discovered that we both loathe and despise you and Johnny.
And that's a beginning.
The war in Korea was over.
Captain, now Major Bennett Marco had been reassigned
to Army Intelligence in Washington.
It was, by and large, a pleasant assignment, except for one thing.
Night after night, the major was plagued by the same reoccurring nightmare.
Stop him.
Stop him, Mama. Stop him, Mama.
Stop him.
Another modern discovery which we owe to the hydrangea...
concerns the influence of air drainage upon plant climate.
Many years ago, when I was traveling about the country,
I noticed magnificent hydrangeas on the hills
where the air drainage was, uh, perfect,
and very poor specimens,
or perhaps none at all,
in the valleys.
Formerly, we used to consider sheltered valleys
more favorable to plants than hilltops.
But the avoidance of late spring and early autumn frosts
enjoyed by sites with good air drainage,
where the cold air can drain safely away to lower levels,
gives the hills a decided advantage.
Thus it was the hydrangeas that gave the first pointer
in another modern discovery of horticultural importance.
From this it might appear that the hydrangea is a fairly simple plant,
but there are more complications.
The cultivation of hydrangeas was evolved from a number of varieties
originally found in Japan,
not all of which, of course, have the same characteristics.
Two of them do not share the quality of producing blue flowers
in mineral-rich soils.
Allow me to introduce our American visitors.
I must ask you to forgive their somewhat lackadaisical manners,
but I have conditioned them,
or brainwashed them, which I understand is the new American word,
to believe that they are waiting out a storm
in a lobby of a small hotel in New Jersey
where a meeting of the ladies' garden club is in progress.
You will notice that I have told them they may smoke.
I've allowed my people to have a little fun
in the selection of bizarre tobacco substitutes.
Are you enjoying your cigarette, Ed?
Yes, ma'am.
Yak dung.
Oh, tastes good like a cigarette should.
Now then, comrades...
May I present the famous Raymond Shaw.
The young man you've flown 8,000 miles
to this dreary spot in Manchuria to see.
Raymond, pull your chair over here by me, please.
I am sure you've all heard the old wives' tale
that no hypnotized subject may be forced to do
that which is repellent to his moral nature,
whatever that may be.
Nonsense, of course.
Oh, you note-takers might set down a reminder to consult Brenman's paper,
"Experiments in the Hypnotic Production of Antisocial and Self-Injurious Behavior,"
or Wells' 1941 paper which was titled, I believe,
"Experiments in the Hypnotic Production of Crime."
Or, of course, Andrew Salter's remarkable book,
Conditioned Reflex Therapy,
to name only three.
Or if it offends you that only the West is working
to manufacture more crime and better criminals...
against the modern shortages,
I suggest Krasnogorski's Primary Violence Motivation,
or Serov's The Unilateral Suggestion to Self-Destruction.
My dear Yen,
as you grow older you grow more long-winded.
Can't we get to the point?
Has the man ever killed anyone or has he not?
I apologize, my dear Dimitri.
I keep forgetting that you're a young country and your attention span is limited.
Tell me, Raymond, have you ever killed anyone?
- No, ma'am. - Not even in combat?
In combat?
Yes, ma'am, I think so.
Of course you have, Raymond.
Raymond has been a crack shot since childhood.
Marvelous outlet for his aggressions.
May I have the bayonet, please?
Not with the knife. With the hands.
With the hands?
Here. Have him use this.
Ah. Da, da.
Raymond, whom do you dislike the least in your group here today?
- The least? - That's right.
Well, I guess Captain Marco, ma'am.
You notice how he is always drawn to authority.
That won't do, Raymond.
We need the captain to get you your medal.
Whom else?
Well, I guess Ed Mavole, ma'am.
Ah, that's better.
Now then, Raymond,
take this scarf
and strangle Ed Mavole.
Uh, to death.
Yes, ma'am.
- Excuse me, Ben. - Mm-hmm.
Pardon me.
- Hey, Sarge, cut it out. - Quiet, Ed, please.
Now, you just sit there quietly and cooperate.
Yes, ma'am.
Major, to your knowledge,
have any other ex-members of your patrol had similar dreams?
No, sir, not to my knowledge.
Doesn't it strike anyone as curious that
Mavole was one of the two men lost in the action and...
yet every night in my dream, he's the...
he's the one that Raymond...
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
Now look, Major Marco,
since you first brought this recurring dream of yours to our attention,
Raymond Shaw, his life, his background, his habits, his friends and associates
have been under scrupulous examination.
Now, the facts speak for themselves.
His stepfather is a United States senator.
His mother is head of 15 different patriotic organizations.
Raymond Shaw himself is employed as confidential assistant to Holborn Gaines,
the most respected political journalist in America.
- Now, it's inconceivable, Major, that any... - Major Marco.
Major, as the consulting psychiatrist present,
I'd be most interested in hearing your personal feelings about Shaw.
Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest,
most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.
I see.
And this opinion, Major, was it generally held?
His fellow soldiers, did they feel the same way toward him?
The men loved him, sir.
Why shouldn't they? He saved their lives.
It would seem obvious to me
Major Marco is suffering a delayed reaction
to 18 months of continuous combat in Korea.
I would strongly recommend that the matter of Raymond Shaw be dropped here and now
and that Major Marco be temporarily reassigned
to less, uh, strenuous
and, if I may say so, less sensitive duties.
I think a few months, uh, detached service
to, uh, well, perhaps the public relations corps
should put the major right back in the pink.
Mr. Secretary! Mr. Secretary!
Can you explain the proposed cut in budget?
Since, sir, you have asked a simple-minded question,
I will give you an equally simple-minded answer.
Since no great naval power menaces the free world today,
the navy's overwhelming preponderance of surface ships
seems to be superfluous.
Hence the cut in budget.
Major, my time is important.
How much longer must we go on with this nonsense?
Yes, sir.
If there are no further questions for the secretary,
I think that about wraps things up.
Mr. Secretary.
I have a question, sir.
Who are you, sir?
I am United States Senator John Yerkes Iselin,
and I have a question so serious
that the safety of our nation may well depend on your answer.
Who?
No evasions, Mr. Secretary.
No evasions, if you please, sir.
Evasions? What the hell are you talking about?
What kind of foolishness is this?
Mr. Secretary, I'm kinda new at this job,
but I don't think it's good public relations to talk that way to a United States senator,
even if he is an idiot.
I am United States Senator John Yerkes Iselin,
and I have here a list of the names of 207 persons
who are known by the secretary of defense
as being members of the Communist party!
- What? - And who are still, nevertheless...
If you have such a list, bring it up here!
shaping the policy of the Defense Department!
Senator who? What the hell did you say your name was?
I demand an answer, Mr. Secretary.
There will be no covering up, sir.
- What? - No covering up.
You are not going to get your hands on this list.
How did you get in here in the first place?
- And I deeply regret... - Major, throw that lunatic out of here!
having to say, in front of these ladies and gentlemen...
- You claim that you're a senator? - and television and radio audience
- of our great country... - Senator what, I wanna know.
that you no longer have my confidence, sir!
Why, you're an idiot, if you ask me! You're out of your mind!
This is no longer a matter for investigation by the Defense Department!
Get out of here! Where's the sergeant at arms?
- I'm afraid you have lost your chance, sir. - Get that man out of this room!
This matter is now the responsibility
of the United States Senate!
Get him out of this room! I will not have him in here. Do you hear me?
No! Never!
If I ever catch you in this room again, I'll throw you out bodily!
What do you want? Get out of here!
- Hold it! - Don't you take my picture anymore!
Clear this room! Get away from me!
- Go on! Get out of here! - Senator. Senator Iselin, I'd like to...
- Yes. - I'd like to verify that number, sir.
- Huh? - How many Communists did you say?
Oh, uh... Well, Major, I said there are exactly...
I have absolute proof there are, uh,
104 card-carrying Communists in the Defense Department at this time.
- How many, sir? - Uh... 275.
And that's absolutely all I have to say on the subject at this time. Come, babe.
- Major, how many did he say? - Hold it! Hold it!
- Excuse me. - Hold it, Senator.
- Boys, please. - Major, how many did he say?
Ladies.
Very good, Raymond.
Thank you, ma'am.
Captain Marco.
- Yes, ma'am? - On your feet, Captain, please.
- Sorry, ma'am. - Captain...
When you are returned with your patrol to Korea
and you make your way to command headquarters,
what will be the first duty you will undertake?
I will make my report on the patrol, ma'am.
What will you report?
I will recommend urgently
that Raymond Shaw be posted for the Medal of Honor.
He saved our lives
and took out a complete company of Chinese infantry.
A complete company? What the hell is this?
We can spare an imaginary company of infantry
for this particular plan, Mikhail Mikhalich.
All right.
If we are out to humiliate our brave Chinese ally
in the newspapers of the world,
we might as well make it a full battalion.
We don't object, Comrade. I assure you of that.
However, Comrade, we thank you for thinking of the matter in that light.
If we may proceed with the demonstration.
Raymond.
Who is that little fellow sitting next to the captain?
That's Bobby Lembeck.
Our mascot, I guess you'd call him.
Doesn't look old enough to be in your army.
I guess he isn't, but there he is, ma'am.
Captain Marco, will you be good enough to lend Raymond your pistol, please?
Yes, ma'am.
- Thanks, Ben. - Sure, kid.
Shoot Bobby Raymond through the forehead.
Yes, ma'am.
Honey. Wake up, wake up!
Wake up. Wake up. It's all right.
It's all right.
It's all right. It's all right.
- It's that same dream again? - Uh-huh.
It's all right.
What... What makes it so awful
is that I keep dreaming a thing like that about Sergeant Shaw.
It's been going on for weeks now.
I must be going crazy!
What you ought to do is to write to Sergeant Shaw.
I tell you, nothing's wrong with me!
Write to him and see if anyone else is having dreams like yours.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Maybe... Maybe I will.
Yeah, maybe I'll do that.
If anybody can help me, he can.
You like him a lot, don't you?
Raymond Shaw is the bravest, kindest, warmest, most wonderful human being
I've ever known in my life.
Dear Sarge,
I had to say this or write this to someone because I think I'm going nuts,
and since you were my best friend in the army, here goes.
Sarge, I'm in trouble.
I'm afraid to go to sleep because I have terrible dreams.
I dream about all the guys on the patrol where you won the medal,
and the dream has a lot of Chinese people in it
and a lot of big brass from the Russian Army.
Well, it's pretty rough. You have to take my word for that.
Raymond Shaw, please.
This is he.
Raymond,
why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?
Raymond.
- Yes, sir. - Can you see the red queen?
Yes, sir.
Good.
One week from next Saturday
you will be called for at 11:10 AM
and taken to the Timothy Swardon Sanitarium,
84 East 61st Street.
We want you there for a checkup.
Is that clear?
Yes, sir.
You may put the cards away now.
Good-bye, Raymond.
Mr. Gaines. It's Mr. Shaw.
He was run down in the street by a hit-and-run driver.
It just came over the AP.
Good heavens.
Find out what hospital he's in and call them. See if there's anything we can do to help.
You're welcome. Good-bye.
That was Mr. Gaines from his newspaper.
He said to tell him to take it easy and not to worry about a thing.
Which, of course, you will not tell him,
on the chance it is some sort of prearranged code.
- Comrade Zilkov? - Yes?
Yen Lo. Pavlov Institute?
Doctor,
an honor and a pleasure.
You may go.
When did you arrive?
I was flown in last night under embassy quota.
Revolting journey.
Ah, Raymond. Nice to see you again.
It's nice to see you again, sir.
We're going through this elaborate procedure
simply out of precaution,
in case there are any visitors.
Although I cannot imagine who will visit Raymond.
Attractive plant you have here.
Thank you, Doctor.
It's actually a rest home for wealthy alcoholics.
We were able to purchase it three years ago.
Except for this floor and the floor above it,
which we have sealed off for security purposes,
the rest functions quite normally.
In fact, it is one of the few Soviet operations in America
that actually showed a profit at the end of the last fiscal year.
Profit? Fiscal year? Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
Beware, my dear Zilkov.
The virus of capitalism is highly infectious.
Soon you'll be letting money out at interest.
You must try, Comrade Zilkov, to cultivate a sense of humor.
There's nothing like a good laugh now and then to lighten the burdens of the day.
Tell me, Raymond.
Do you remember murdering Mavole and Lembeck?
I beg your pardon, sir?
Mavole and Lembeck.
The men who were lost on the patrol.
Can you recall what happened to them?
Yes, sir.
It was a very clear action for a night action.
Captain Marco sent up some low flares
so it was easy to see what was happening.
Bobby Lembeck got separated to the left.
Mavole went after him.
By the time he reached him, the enemy had a fix on the position.
They were killed instantly by a high mortar shell.
I don't think they ever knew what hit them.
Do you realize, Comrade,
the implications of the weapon that has been placed at your disposal?
You may remove your head bandage, Raymond.
A normally conditioned American who has been trained to kill
and then to have no memory of having killed.
Without memory of his deed,
he cannot possibly feel guilt.
Nor will he, of course, have any reason to fear being caught.
And having been relieved of those uniquely American symptoms, guilt and fear,
he cannot possibly give himself away.
Ah, our Raymond will remain an outwardly normal, productive,
sober and respected member of the community.
And I should say, if properly used,
entirely police-proof.
His brain has not only been washed, as they say,
it has been dry-cleaned.
Thank you, Raymond. You may replace your head bandage.
Sealed floors or no, you will, of course, permit him to have visitors,
uh, to avoid suspicion.
Of course.
A team of my specialists is being flown in tonight.
It will take about a week, working between visiting hours,
to check the mechanism out completely.
It's been, after all, two years
since the conditioning took place,
and you want to be sure the linkages are still functioning correctly
before he is turned over to his American operator.
And now, Comrade, if you will excuse me.
Where are you going?
Since there is nothing more I can do until my specialists arrive,
I had thought to spend the afternoon at Macy's.
Madam Yen has given me the most appalling list.
No, no. I personally guarantee it.
He's ready to be turned over to his American operator.
And I, being personally responsible for Soviet security
in the entire Eastern Seaboard of the United States,
refuse to turn him over to his operator
until at least one practical test has been run.
You say the man has been built as an assassin.
Very well, then.
Let him assassinate someone.
I'm shocked
that a security officer with the responsibility you hold
would risk a mechanism as valuable as Raymond
out of sheer nervousness.
You yourself admit the man has not killed for over two years.
I assure you, Doctor,
conditions offering minimum risk can be arranged.
All right, if you insist on this foolishness,
have him kill one of your own people here on a sealed floor.
I would. I would, gladly.
But our table of organization happens to be under acceptable strength as it is.
Why can't we be reasonable about this?
Why can't he kill some nonproductive person on the outside?
Very well then.
But for his own protection,
he must be instructed that if he is ever, at any time,
discovered at the scene of an assignment,
this other person or persons must also be killed.
All right, all right, Doctor.
Whom do you think he should kill?
With humor, my dear Zilkov.
Always with a little humor.
If kill we must for a better New York,
why should it not be
his superior at the newspaper,
Mr... Holborn Gaines?
With Mr. Gaines out of the way,
might he not then be given that very influential job himself?
Who's there?
It's me, Mr. Gaines.
Raymond.
I'm sorry to disturb you, sir.
Don't get any silly ideas about this ridiculous-looking bed jacket.
It was my wife's. It's the warmest thing I have.
Perfect for reading in bed at night.
I didn't know you were married, sir.
She died nearly six years ago.
But what the devil are you doing here at 4:00 in the morning?
Anyway, I thought you were in the hospital.
Oh, now, don't tell me that you've come here at this ridiculous hour
to talk something over?
You're not gonna pour out your heart
with the details of some sordid love affair or anything like that, are you?
No, sir.
As a matter of fact, they told me you'd be asleep.
Who told you I'd be asleep?
They did.
"They"?
Who's this mysterious "they"?
Raymond?
Answer me, my boy.
- Colonel. - Ben. May I come in for a minute?
Oh, please do. Of course. Come on in.
Uh, may I ask the colonel, "A," is this an official visit?
And "B," may I, uh, mix you a drink?
"A," yes, it is, and "B," you certainly may.
- Scotch all right? - Fine.
My God, where do you get all the books?
Oh, I, uh... I got a guy picks them out for me.
At random.
- Water all right? - Fine.
He's in, uh, San Francisco.
A little bookstore up there.
He ships 'em to me wherever I happen to be stationed.
- You read them all? - Yeah.
They'd also make great insulation against an enemy attack.
But the, uh, truth of the matter is that I'm just interested, you know,
in, uh, The Principles of Modern Banking, and History of Piracy,
Paintings of Orozco,
Modern French Theater,
The Jurisprudential Factor of Mafia Administration,
Diseases of Horses, the novels of Joyce Cary and...
ethnic choices of the Arabs...
things like that.
- Ben. - Sir.
The army's got a lot of things wrong with it, but it does take care of its own people.
Which is why I'm here.
As a public relations officer, you're a disaster.
I never wanted the jo...
Apparently, among other things, you permitted the secretary
to make a number of unfortunate remarks to that idiot Iselin,
which started him off on a rampage.
Mickey, listen to me, please.
For the last six months I've been driven nearly out of my mind by this same recurring dream.
The medical officer in charge offered...
What the hell does the medical corps know about intelligence work, Milt?
I tell you, there's something phony going on.
There's something phony about me, about Raymond Shaw,
about the whole Medal of Honor business.
For instance, when the psychiatrist asked me
how I felt about Raymond Shaw, how I personally felt about him,
and how the whole patrol felt about him, did you hear what I said?
Did you really hear what I said?
I said, Raymond Shaw is the kindest, warmest, bravest,
most wonderful human being I have ever known in my life.
And even now I feel that way, this minute.
And yet somewhere in the back of my mind, something tells me it's not true.
It's just not true.
It isn't as if Raymond's hard to like.
He's impossible to like.
In fact, he's probably one of the most repulsive human beings
I've ever known in my whole... all of my life.
Ben, what I came to tell you is, public relations has bounced you back to me.
And in your present state there's no possible way I can use you.
As of this moment, I'm placing you on indefinite sick leave.
Go away, Ben.
Find yourself a girl. Lie in the sun.
I absolutely refuse.
You don't seem to understand.
What I've just told you is not a suggestion, Major.
It is an order.
Yes, sir.
Good night, Ben.
- Do you mind if I smoke? - Not at all. Please do.
Maryland's a beautiful state.
- This is Delaware. - I know.
I was one of the original Chinese workmen who laid the track on this stretch.
But, um, nonetheless, Maryland is a beautiful state.
So is Ohio, for that matter.
I guess so.
Columbus is a tremendous football town.
- You in the railroad business? - Not anymore.
However, if you will permit me to point out,
when you ask that question, you really should say,
"Are you in the railroad line?"
Where's your home?
I'm in the army. I'm a major.
I've been in the army most of my life.
We move a good deal.
I was born in New Hampshire.
I went to a girls' camp once on Lake Francis.
That's pretty far north.
Yeah.
What's your name?
Eugenie.
Pardon?
No kidding. I really mean it.
Crazy French pronunciation and all.
- It's pretty. - Well, thank you.
I guess your friends call you Jennie?
Not yet, they haven't, for which I am deeply grateful.
But you may call me Jennie.
What do your friends call you?
Rosie.
Why?
My full name is Eugenie Rose.
Of the two names, I've always favored Rosie
because it smells of brown soap and beer.
Eugenie is somehow more fragile.
Still, when I asked you what your name was, you said it was Eugenie.
It's quite possible I was feeling more or less fragile at that instant.
I could never figure out what that phrase meant, "more or less."
- Are you Arabic? - No.
My name is Ben.
It's really Bennett.
I was named after Arnold Bennett.
- The writer? - No.
A lieutenant colonel.
He was my father's commanding officer at the time.
- What's your last name? - Marco.
Major Marco.
Are you Arabic?
No. No.
Let me put it another way.
Are you married?
No.
- You? - No.
- What's your last name? - Cheyney.
I'm production assistant for a man named Justin
who had two hits last season.
I live on 54th Street,
a few doors from the Modern Museum of Art,
of which I am a tea-privileges member, no cream.
I live at 53 West 54th Street.
Apartment 3B.
Can you remember that?
Yes.
Eldorado 5-9970.
Can you remember that?
Yes.
Are you stationed in New York?
Or is "stationed" the right word?
I'm not exactly stationed in New York. I was stationed in Washington.
But I got sick
and now I'm on leave and I'm gonna s-spend it in New York.
Eldorado 5-9970.
I'm gonna look up an old friend of mine who's a newspaper man.
We were in Korea together.
Mr. Shaw, there's a gentleman outside to see you.
- A gentleman? - An Oriental gentleman, sir.
He said he was in the army with you.
There were no Oriental gentlemen in the army with me.
He is very insistent, sir.
All right, all right, show him in.
I am Chunjin, Mr. Shaw, sir.
I was interpreter attached to Charlie Company,
52nd Regiment.
Yes, I remember you.
You were the guide and interpreter to the patrol.
Yes, sir, Mr. Shaw.
What can I do for you?
I mean to say, what are you doing here?
Your father did not say to you?
- My father? - Yes.
Senator Iselin. I...
Senator Iselin is not my father.
Repeat. He is not my father.
If you learn nothing else on your visit to this country, memorize that fact.
I write to Senator Iselin.
I tell him how I interpret your outfit.
I tell him I want to come to America.
He get me visa.
Now I need job.
A job?
Yes, sir, Mr. Shaw.
But, my dear fellow, we don't need interpreters here.
We all speak the same language.
I am tailor and mender. I am cook. I drive car.
I am cleaner and scrubber. I fix anything. I take message.
I sleep at house of my cousin.
I ask for job with you
because you are great man
who save my life.
I could use a valet, I think.
And I would like having a cook.
A good cook, I mean.
Very well. You can live at your cousin's.
I will pay you $60 a week.
You will have every Thursday and every other Sunday off.
Thank you, Mr. Shaw.
I'm leaving for Washington in a few minutes. I'll be back here this evening by 8:30.
I would like to have dinner waiting.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, Mr. Shaw.
Just like United State Army.
Oh, God, I hope not.
You're going to be perfectly marvelous in there this afternoon, hon.
I just know you are.
Yeah.
There's just one thing, babe.
I'd be a lot happier
if we could just settle on the number of Communists
I know there are in the Defense Department.
I mean, the way you keep changing the figures on me all the time,
it makes me look like some kind of a nut, I-like an idiot.
The boys are even startin' to kid me about it.
Why, just yesterday, in the cloakroom they said, "Hey, Johnny"...
Well, you're going to look like an even bigger idiot
if you don't get in there and do exactly what you're told.
Babe.
Who are they writing about all over this country? And what are they saying?
Are they saying, Are there any Communists in the Defense Department?
Of course not.
They're saying, How many Communists are there in the Defense Department?
So just stop talking like an expert all of a sudden
and get out there and say what you're supposed to say.
Aw, come on, babe, I...
I'm sorry, hon.
Would it really make it easier for you if we settled on just one number?
Yeah.
Just one real simple number that'd be easy for me to remember.
There are exactly 57
card-carrying members
of the Communist Party...
in the Department of Defense at this time.
Point of order, Mr. Speaker. Point of order, if you please.
What was Raymond doing with his hands?
How did the old ladies turn into Russians?
What was Raymond doing with his hands?
How did the old ladies turn into Russians?
What was Raymond doing with his hands?
What were you doing there?
What was Raymond doing with his hands?
What were you doing there?
Get away... What were you doing there?
Well, I must say it was original of you
to have the police department call so shyly and ask for our first date.
Well, they asked me who would...
who I'd be willing to c...
I know.
And thank you.
- Thank you very much. - Bueno.
Sí. Uh-huh.
Okay. Uh-huh.
I've got to find Raymond.
Maybe he's home by now.
All right, darling. Whatever you want.
But first, I have something to tell you.
You know what I was doing when you so cleverly had the police call me?
Don't bother trying to guess. You're too tired.
I'll tell you what I was doing.
After I dropped you off,
I went straight home, and when I got upstairs...
- Apartment 3B. - That's right.
Very good.
Before I even took my coat off, I telephoned my fiancé.
I told you I wasn't married.
I never said I wasn't engaged.
Well, I called up my fiancé
and he came over as soon as he could, which was instantly,
and I told him I had just met you, and I gave him his ring back.
I tried to convey my regrets
for whatever pain I might be causing him,
and then, just then,
you had the police call to invite me to meet you at the 24th Precinct.
So I grabbed my coat,
kissed my fiancé on the cheek for the last time in our lives we would ever kiss,
and I ran.
At the police station, they told me you had just beaten up a very large Chinese gentleman.
Not Chinese, dear. Korean. At least I think he was Korean.
A very large Korean gentleman.
But that you were a pretty solid type yourself, according to Washington,
with whom they had apparently checked.
So I figured if they were willing to go to all the trouble
to get a comment on you out of George Washington,
why, you must be somebody very important indeed.
And I must say it was rather sweet of the general, with you only a major.
I didn't even know you knew him.
If they were the tiniest bit puzzled about you, they could've asked me.
Oh, yes, indeed, my darling Ben,
they could've asked me,
and I would've told them.
- Hi, kid. - What in the hell's going on?
They called me in Washington to tell me that you'd broken into my apartment
and beaten up my houseboy.
Yeah, well, uh,
you see, Chunjin, when I...
My God, you look terrible.
I mean, I've never seen you look so awful.
Yeah.
Raymond, uh,
I want to tell you that I been
having this terrible nightmare.
I've been in the army 19 years.
First time I've ever seen one of these.
I've been havin' this nightmare.
A real swinger of a nightmare too.
It has to do with, uh, all kinds of strange people.
Is it about a Russian general and some Chinese
and me and the men who were on the patrol?
How did you know that? How do you know?
Take your hands off me.
Please, Raymond.
Tell me. How did you know?
- I don't really know anything about it at all. - But you just started to tell me...
You remember Al Melvin?
- The corporal in the patrol? - Yes, of course.
Well, I had a letter from him a couple of weeks ago.
Needless to say, I was very surprised to hear from him.
You know how much the guys in the outfit hated me.
Not as much as I hated them, of course.
Well, anyway, the funny thing was,
he said in his letter that I was the best friend he had in the army.
I was the best friend he had in the army.
Why, the poor, simple boob.
Anyway, that's what he wanted to tell me... about his nightmare.
- He said he was going out of his mind. - Raymond.
Tell me what he said about the nightmare.
Well, he keeps dreaming that the patrol is all sitting together in this hotel lobby,
and there are a lot of Chinese brass and Russian generals and I don't know.
Anyway, what's so much of a nightmare about that?
The letter. Have you got the letter?
No, I don't. I never keep letters.
That's all he wrote? That was the end of it?
Why? Is it the same thing that you've been dreaming?
Raymond, do something for me, will you?
Call Eldorado 5-9970.
If a young lady answers, and she will, tell her I've gone to Washington.
The town, not the general.
Tell her I'll be in touch with her as quickly as I can.
You'll do that, won't you? Eldorado 5-9970.
To take some of the mystery out of it, Major,
the photographs you're looking at are shots of male models,
Mexican circus performers, Czech research chemists,
Japanese criminals, French headwaiters,
Turkish wrestlers, pastoral psychiatrists
and, of course, various officials of the USSR, the People's Republic of China
and the Soviet Army.
- Hold the one on the right, please. - Hold that one.
Hold this one too, please.
Exactly one hour ago,
your friend, Mr. Alan Melvin, in Wainright, Alaska,
made the same two photographs.
This one here wore sunglasses. Smelled like a goat.
His mustache was a little thinner then.
He had a loud voice and it grated.
He's about 5'11", on the heavy side.
Uniformed as a lieutenant general.
His staff were dressed in civilian clothes. They looked a little like FBI men.
His name, incidentally, is Berezovo.
He's a member of the central committee.
This one was dressed in civilian clothes, but his staff was uniformed,
bearing from a full colonel to a first lieutenant.
They wore political markings.
Lights.
All right, Ben.
I'm going to recommend setting up a joint intelligence CIA-FBI unit
based out of New York.
You'll work with them, representing the army.
- Your assignment's Raymond Shaw. - Very good, Colonel.
Should be a very pleasant assignment, Major,
considering that Raymond Shaw
is the kindest, bravest, warmest,
most wonderful human being you've ever met in your life.
My mother, Ben, is a terrible woman.
A terrible, terrible woman.
Chunjin.
We would like some more wine.
Chunjin!
Oh, I forgot.
After you called, I... I gave Chunjin the night off.
~ On the first day of Christmas ~
Because it was Christmas Eve, I told him.
He was very reluctant to go.
~ A partridge in a pear tree ~
That's probably because he's a Buddhist and he doesn't celebrate Christmas.
Uh-uh.
I don't think that Chunjin is a Buddhist.
Well, he smiles all the time.
Oh, what a shame.
I thought he was a Buddhist.
Otherwise I would have sent him a Christmas card.
But I figured
that if I sent him a card at this time of the year,
then he would have to send me a card on the Buddha's birthday.
- To save face, right? - Oh, right.
And that would have started a whole big megillah.
- Exactly. - All right.
That's what... You did exactly the right thing.
~ Two turtle doves ~
~ And a partridge in a pear tree ~
Twelve days of Christmas.
One day of Christmas is loathsome enough.
What were we saying? Oh, yes, my mother.
Oh, but you don't want to sit there, listening to me talking about my mother.
Of course I do. I'm interested.
It's rather like listening to Orestes gripe about Clytemnestra.
- Who? - Greeks.
- A couple of Greeks in a play. - Oh.
Well, you know, Ben,
it's a terrible thing to hate your mother.
But I didn't always hate her.
No. When I was a child, I... I only kind of disliked her.
But after what she did to Jocie and me,
that's when I began to hate her.
Jocie?
Jocie Jordan.
- Senator Jordan's daughter. - Hmm.
That's pretty funny, isn't it?
Thomas Jordan's daughter
and Johnny Iselin's stepson.
That's her.
Jocie.
- She's lovely. - I always keep her picture.
Years later, I realized, Ben, that I am not very lovable.
No, no, don't contradict me.
I am not lovable.
Some people are lovable, and other people are not lovable.
I am not lovable.
Oh, but I was very lovable with Jocie.
Ben, you cannot believe how lovable I was.
In a way.
And, of course, my mother fixed all that.
Ben, you don't blame me for hating my mother, do you?
I'm not making excuses,
but I have been even less lovable than I was since.
It was the summer just before I went into the army.
And I was bitten by this snake.
Are you following me?
I am.
Well, while I was lying there, absolutely helpless,
afraid to move... because you're not supposed to move.
It-It makes the poison circulate.
When unexpectedly,
there she was with a razor blade in her hand.
My daddy's going to be so pleased about this.
I mean, he's just absolutely scared tiddly about snakes in this part of the country.
I know that sounds terribly Freudian and everything,
but in this case, I don't think it is.
I mean, I think he's just simply and uncomplicatedly afraid of snakes, period.
Which is why I happen to be riding around with a razor blade
and a bottle of potassium permanganate solution.
You don't happen to have a handkerchief, do you?
Oh, no, of course you don't.
Well, I don't either.
I do have a Kleenex, but...
Oh, well.
Seriously, Daddy is going to be just thrilled about this.
All summer long he's been raving about snakes, and nobody's even seen one.
And now this.
I promise you one thing. It may be a little uncomfortable for you.
But it's going to absolutely make his summer.
Now you just lie very still. Don't move.
That's very important. I'll be right back with the car in a minute.
You're lucky, young man, very lucky.
If I were to tell you the statistics on death by snakebite every year...
But in this case, I... I think...
Oh, there's no swelling above or below.
Hmm.
Normal.
Well, I must say, there's a good chance you're going to live.
You are not, by any chance, a mute, are you?
- No, sir. - Oh. Well.
I want to thank you very much, Miss... Miss...
- Jordan. - Miss Jocelyn Jordan.
- How do you do? - Hi.
And now, according to the quaint local custom,
it's your turn to tell us what your name is.
My name is Raymond Shaw, sir.
How do you do, Raymond? Is your place near here, Raymond?
Yes. It's that red house just across the lake.
- The Iselin house? - My house.
It was my father's. My father's dead. He left it to me.
We were told that that was the summer camp of Senator Iselin.
Johnny stays there sometimes, sir.
When he gets too drunk for my mother to allow him to be seen in Washington.
My dear, although we've done everything that modern science recommends,
there is still the traditional folk remedy against snakebite
which we haven't applied,
so to be on the safe side...
Mrs. Iselin is your mother?
Yes, sir.
I once found it necessary to sue your mother
for defamation of character and slander.
My name is Thomas Jordan. Senator Thomas Jordan.
The Communist?
Well, one of your mother's more endearing traits
is her tendency to refer to anyone who disagrees with her about anything
as a Communist.
The last time she so referred to me on a network radio program,
it cost her $65,000 and court costs.
What hurt her more than the money, I think,
was the fact that I donated all of it to an organization
called the American Civil Liberties Union.
Senator Jordan?
Yes, Raymond.
I would very much like to ask your permission, sir, to marry Jocelyn.
We were together every minute after that.
You just cannot believe, Ben,
how lovable the whole damn thing was.
All summer long we were together.
I was lovable.
Jocie was lovable.
The senator was lovable.
The days were lovable, the nights were lovable.
And everybody was lovable
except, of course, my mother.
Raymond?
What is it, Mother?
What sort of a greeting is that at 3:30 in the morning?
It's a quarter to 3:00, and what do you want?
I want to talk to you, Raymond.
About what?
I would like to talk to you about that Communist tart.
Shut up with that, Mother! Shut up!
Do you know what Jordan is? Are you out to crucify me, to crucify Johnny?
I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't want to know.
- I'm going to bed. - Raymond.
Sit down.
How would you see her? They live in New York.
I'm getting a job in New York.
You have your army service.
Next spring.
I might be dead by next spring.
Raymond, if we were at war
and you were suddenly to become infatuated with the daughter of a Russian agent,
wouldn't you expect me to come to you and object
and beg you to stop the entire thing before it was too late?
Well, we are at war.
It's a cold war, but it will get worse and worse
until every man, woman and child in this country
will have to stand up and be counted
and say whether they are on the side of right and freedom
or on the side of the Thomas Jordans of this country.
I will go with you to Washington. Tomorrow, if you like.
And I will show you documented proof that this man stands for evil,
that he is evil and that his whole life was devoted
to undermining everything that you and I and Johnny
and every freedom-minded American...
She won, of course.
She always does.
I could never beat her.
I still can't.
I wrote a letter.
Or she wrote it and I signed it. I-I can't even remember which.
It was a terrible, vile, disgusting letter.
The next day I enlisted in the army
and I never saw her again.
God knows, Ben, I...
I'm not lovable,
but I loved her.
I did love her.
I do love her.
Come on, kid.
It's time for you to call it a night. Come on.
So this lousy brother-in-law of mine, I say to him, "You think you're a poker player?
Well, I got a flash for you. You ain't no poker player."
So I says to him,
"My advice to you, from the bottom of the heart...
Don't play poker.
If I was you, I'd get myself another line of action.
Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?"
- So he says to me... - I need a deck of cards, please.
When I get married to my old lady,
I got no idea that this guy comes in the same package,
that it's a package deal.
And for 11 long years, I got this crumb tied around my neck.
And believe me, it's no bargain.
You got no idea what kind of a problem I got with this guy.
Beer, please. Sorry I'm late, kid.
Got held up in traffic, you know?
So, I says to him, "Please, do me a favor, will you?
Why don't you go and take yourself a cab
and go up to Central Park and go jump in the lake?"
Hey. Raymond!
Hey.
Raymond.
Get out of there.
What are you doing?
- Hi, Ben. - What the hell are you doing?
What's the matter with you?
I don't know.
I was standing next to you at the bar, and you were playing a game of solitaire.
Do you remember that?
Then you bolted out of the bar, jumped in a cab, drove up here to the park
and jumped into the water.
I don't remember, Ben. I just don't remember.
Wait a minute. I do. I remember.
In the dream.
I remember what you were doing with your hands.
You were...
Of course.
Obviously the solitaire game serves as some kind of trigger mechanism.
Black seven on the red eight.
I suggest we discard the various number systems and concentrate on the face cards.
- Red six on the black seven. - Thanks a lot.
Because of their symbolic identification with human beings.
Based on Raymond's psychiatric pattern,
I think we can safely eliminate jacks and kings.
Black six on the red seven.
Why don't you try it for a while?
Human fish swimming at the bottom of the great ocean of atmosphere
develop psychic injuries as they collide with one another.
Most mortal of all are those gotten from the parent fish.
Queen of diamonds on the black king.
Hey, what are you doing?
To cheat at solitaire is a form of regression that...
I remember.
I can see that Chinese cat standin' there smilin' like Fu Manchu
and saying,
"The queen of diamonds is reminiscent in many ways
of Raymond's dearly loved and hated mother
and is the second key to clear the mechanism
for any other assignment."
Yeah.
"...our great republic... repeat 'republic'...
until the peril of international Communism is driven
from every dark corner of this great nation."
Getting a little chucky on the chin. You know what I mean?
You know, hon, I can't tell you how worried I am about Raymond.
Raymond? What Raymond?
Raymond Shaw. My son. Your stepson.
I've been thinking about him a great deal lately, and you know what I've decided?
- No. - I've decided it's time he got married.
Hmm.
May I ask what you find so amusing?
Who could you possibly find who would marry Raymond?
I have devoted considerable thought to the problem,
and it has occurred to me that Tom Jordan's daughter Jocelyn...
You remember her, hon?
That mousy little girl Raymond was so attracted to that summer at the lake.
Oh, yeah, that little Communist tart?
All right.
- So I might have been a little bit hasty. - A little in the hairline here.
Anyway, times change. I now think she would make Raymond an excellent wife.
She's been living in Paris for the past two years.
I have word she'll be coming home soon.
And when she does, I think we should give a little party.
But, babe, I thought that you and Senator Jordan...
I keep telling you not to think.
You're very, very good at a great many things,
but thinking, hon, just simply isn't one of them.
You just keep shouting, "Point of order, point of order" into the television cameras,
and I'll handle the rest.
Jimmy. Bourbon and water.
I think a June wedding would be nice,
right before the convention.
Raymond, I don't know why yours is the only apartment in New York City
without an air conditioner.
Sometimes I think you came to us from another century.
Chu Chin Chow, or whatever your name is,
the steaks are to be broiled for exactly 11 minutes.
No more, no less, on each side in a preheated grill at 400 degrees.
Yes, ma'am.
- Raymond? - Mother?
- May I ask a question? - Of course.
What are you doing here?
I mean, why are we having our annual meeting?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, when I got your message announcing that you were coming to lunch,
I naturally assumed it was because you wanted something.
Not at all. This is a purely social event.
- However... - Ah.
The "however."
As you may or may not have heard, Johnny and I are giving an enormous party.
A costume ball, actually, at the summer house on Long Island.
I wondered if you'd like to attend.
Have you gone out of your mind?
The reason I ask is because we're giving it in honor of an old friend of yours
and her father.
What old friend?
Do you remember a darling girl we met the summer before you went into the army...
Jocelyn Jordan, Senator Jordan's daughter?
Well, she's been living abroad for the last several years.
She arrived back in New York a week or so ago.
And I thought,
considering the rather shabby way you treated her,
it might be a rather gracious gesture if I gave her a coming home party.
Jocie and her father...
coming to a party of yours?
Of course.
Once I explained to her you would be there.
It's all right. It's Polish caviar.
- Johnny? Come over here, hon. - Hmm?
Come on, get a picture. Quick.
You stand in the middle.
- Great. You look marvelous. - Thank you. See you later.
- Where is she? Have they come? - They'll be here any minute.
Are you sure they're coming, Mother? Are you absolutely sure?
Oh, Raymond, don't be such a jerk.
Go and get yourself a drink or a tranquilizer or something.
Raymond can certainly be a royal pain.
Ah, she's just kiddin'. Ray, you look great. Look just great.
What are... What are you supposed to be, one of those Dutch skaters?
Raymond, darling.
Raymond, dear, why do you always have to look
as if your head's just about to come to a point?
Now just be patient, and she'll be here.
I guarantee it.
Raymond, why don't we just sneak away for a few minutes
and sit down somewhere quietly and have a drink?
Are you absolutely sure she's coming, Mother?
I told you, she telephoned me 20 minutes ago from the hotel.
Mother... Mother, how did she sound?
Like a girl.
Raymond.
Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?
Tom!
Oh, Tom. Oh, Tom, boy.
Tom boy, so great you could come.
I am here at this fascist rally
because my daughter has assured me
that it was important to her happiness that I come.
There is no other reason.
Good old Tom.
Raymond?
The time has come for us to have a serious discussion.
We feel...
- What is it? - It's me, babe. Johnny.
Tom Jordan's here. I need you.
I'll be right out.
- Who's in there with you, anyway? - Raymond.
Well, hurry it up, will you? We've got work to do out here.
I'll take this one with me, dear.
It might be mischief if I leave it.
Yes, Mother.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
I've been watching you through the window.
When I saw you, my heart almost shot out of my body.
I sent Daddy around the front way.
I had to see you alone.
Jocie.
Oh, Jocie.
He's got it!
Thank you.
Come on, lover.
Why don't you just take that somewhere very quietly and drink it?
But, babe, I...
All right, dear. Run along. The grown-ups have to talk.
Huh?
How good of you to come, Tom.
I have explained to your husband why I am here.
Tom, I know you have very strong personal feelings
about Johnny and about me.
What I would like to find out is how strong they really are.
To put it as simply as possible,
if Johnny's name were put forward at the convention next week,
would you attempt to block him?
You're joking, of course.
Mr. Stevenson makes jokes. I do not.
You're seriously trying for the nomination for Johnny?
No. We couldn't make it.
But I think he has a good chance for the second spot.
I've answered your question, but you haven't answered mine.
- What question? - Will you block us?
Will I block you?
I would spend every cent I own and all I could borrow to block you.
There are people who think of Johnny as a clown and a buffoon,
but I do not.
I despise John Iselin and everything that Iselinism has come to stand for.
I think if John Iselin were a paid Soviet agent,
he could not do more to harm this country than he is doing now.
You asked me a question. Very well. I'll answer you.
If you attempt to deal with the delegates
or cause Johnny's name to be brought forward on the ticket,
or if in my canvass of the delegates tomorrow morning by telephone
I find that you are so acting,
I will bring impeachment proceedings against your husband
on the floor of the United States Senate.
And I will hit him, I promise you,
with everything in my well-documented book.
For one million bucks, pick a card.
Oh, Bennie, card tricks. If I had known that...
Oh, come on. Pick a card.
The queen of diamonds.
That's pretty good. How did you do that?
This is what is known, my dear girl, as a forced deck.
This deck of cards is often employed by a professional magician
to simplify his problem of guessing the card
picked by the little old lady in the third row.
Also employed by army intelligence officers who...
- Rosie? - Hmm?
Let's get married.
We certainly are in good spirits tonight, aren't we?
Yes, we are.
Tomorrow's the big day.
Lunch with Raymond, have a nice little game of solitaire
and a nice long chat about the good old days in Korea.
And some old Chinese and Russian friends of ours.
Then a suggestion or two that'll rip out all of the wiring.
And then, dear girl, it's over. All over.
- What's the matter? Don't you want to? - Want to what?
Get married. Why don't you pay attention to me when I speak to you?
Oh, Bennie, I want to marry you more than I want to go on eating Italian food,
which will give you some idea.
Well, then why don't we get with it, kiddo?
You know, arranging for the papers, for the blood test,
posting the banns,
figure out what we're gonna name the kids,
renting the rice, buy the ring, call the folks.
Folks?
- You neither? - Mm-mmm.
- Orphan? - Uh-huh.
I used to be convinced that as a baby I was the soul survivor of a spaceship
that overshot Mars.
Very sexy stuff.
Very, very sexy.
- Ben. - Hello, Raymond.
Ben, I want... I want you to meet Jocie.
Remember, I told you about her? Uh, this is my friend, Major Ben Marco.
- Miss Jordan. - How do you do, Major?
Only it's not Miss Jordan anymore, it's Mrs. Shaw.
- Mrs. Raymond Shaw. - We flew to Maryland last night.
We got married. We just got back.
Well, aren't you going to pop champagne, or dance in the streets,
or, well, at least kiss the bride?
- Congratulations, Mrs. Shaw. - Thank you, Major.
My God, Ben, isn't she beautiful though? Isn't she?
And am I not the luckiest guy in the world? I mean, the whole world?
You don't have to answer that, Major. Anyway, I'm the one who's lucky.
- Raymond. - Listen, darling.
There must be some beer or champagne or penicillin eyedrops
or some anchovies in the ice box.
Crack open whatever it is. The three of us, we've absolutely got to have a drink.
Come on, bustle. Make like a housewife.
I'll get out of this idiot suit.
Ben. Ben you should've seen the judge's face.
There we were, the queen of diamonds
and me looking like... I don't know, like "Gaucho" Marx.
Gaucho Marx?
Ben? Ben, I just made a joke.
Not a very good joke, I admit, but a joke.
Ben, in all the years that you've known me, have you ever heard me make a joke?
Well, I just made one. Gaucho Marx.
Me. Ha.
Big day. Mark that down in your book.
Raymond Shaw got married, and he made a joke.
Gaucho Marx.
The queen of diamonds? What did he mean, the queen of diamonds?
My costume. I came to this costume party as the queen of diamonds.
I couldn't think what to wear, then I saw this big playing card in a shop window on 67th...
- Mrs. Shaw. - Oh, please, Major. Jocie.
You call me Jocie, I'll call you Ben.
Mrs. Shaw... Jocie,
the reason I came here this morning is to ask Raymond to voluntarily put himself under arrest.
What?
Well, maybe not under arrest. That's pretty strong.
But to surrender himself for some questioning.
Questioning? What kind of questioning?
Raymond is sick, Mrs. Shaw,
in a kind of a special way.
- He doesn't even realize it himself. - Sick? He's not sick.
He's the healthiest man I've ever seen in my whole life.
You can tell that by just looking at him.
That's not the kind of sick I mean.
Oh, you're wrong, Ben.
You're wrong.
He's tied up inside in a thousand knots. I know that.
But you can see for yourself how he is with me.
Oh, God.
Ben,
we were married just six hours ago.
We've been in cars and offices and airplanes ever since.
What were your... What are your plans?
Well, there's an inn, Bedford House, near Bedford Village.
It's about an hour from here.
There's hardly anyone there this early in the season.
We've already wired for a room.
Ben, you've got to believe me and trust me.
I can make him well.
I'll give you 48 hours.
You have him back here day after tomorrow.
I'll talk to him then.
After that, we'll see.
Oh, thank you, Ben.
Thank you and God bless you.
Darling.
What?
Nothing.
Just darling.
Mmm.
My dear girl,
have you noticed that the human race is divided
into two distinct and irreconcilable groups?
Those who walk into rooms and automatically turn television sets on,
and those who walk into rooms and automatically turn them off.
You know, the problem is, they usually marry each other,
which naturally causes a great deal...
The elopement of Jocelyn Jordan, daughter of Senator Thomas Jordan,
and Korean war hero Raymond Shaw, stepson of Senator John Iselin.
- It appears, however... - My Romeo.
that this Montague-Capulet note will have little effect on the feud
now raging between the two party leaders.
From his campaign headquarters this morning,
Senator Iselin stepped up his charges against the leader of the group
attempting to block his nomination.
I now charge this man, Thomas Jordan, with high treason.
And I assure you, the moment the Senate reconvenes,
I shall move for this man Jordan's impeachment!
And after that, a civil trial.
Come on. Get dressed.
We're driving down to New York. Go straight to your father's house.
Please convey my personal apologies to him. I'll join you there later.
What are you going to do?
...that Thomas Jordan represents...
Something I should've done a long time ago.
I'm going to beat that vile, slandering son of a numskull to a bloody pulp!
Mother!
That vile, slandering husband of yours! Where is he?
Darling, something very important has come up. There is something you have to do.
Who is it?
- It's me, sir. - Raymond, my boy!
Jocie waited up as long as she could.
She turned in about a quarter to 2:00.
She told me the good news.
- Raymond? - Yes, sir.
I want to offer my congratulations and welcome you to the family.
I've been watching my daughter's face all evening.
She's a very happy girl.
- Thank you, sir. - Come with me.
I'll force some good whiskey on you to celebrate your wedding,
soothe you after a trying day, any number of good reasons.
There's some whiskey in that cabinet beside you.
Help yourself.
I only hope you haven't been too much upset by these idiotic attacks of Iselin.
Actually, I take the position that any attack by Iselin is a great honor.
Actually, I haven't had so much supporting mail in the Senate
in the last 22 years.
I'm very glad to hear that, sir.
What the hell is that in your hand?
It's a pistol, sir.
Is that a silencer?
Yes, sir.
Why are you carrying a pistol?
Raymond, what are you...
Daddy, what is it?
Raymond, no! Raymond, darling.
Ben?
Ben, what is it?
Raymond Shaw shot and killed his wife early this morning.
But i-it doesn't say...
I know.
It wasn't Raymond that really did it.
In a way, it was me.
As you can well understand, gentlemen,
my... my wife is prostrate over the loss of this dear and wonderful girl
whom she loved as a daughter.
And your stepson, Senator, where is he?
My... My son Raymond's in retreat,
praying for strength, understanding
to... to try and carry on somehow.
Ben, it's for you.
Major Marco speaking.
Ben?
Hi, kid.
How could anyone...
Jocie.
- How could it happen? - Where are you, Raymond?
I...
I think maybe I'm going crazy.
I'm having terrible dreams like you used to have and...
Where are you, Raymond? We can't talk on the telephone.
Just tell me where you are.
Uh... I...
I'm in a hotel room
across from the Garden.
Eighth Avenue side.
Room 4.
All right. Now listen to me. Just wait right there.
I'll be there in 10 minutes. Don't move. Just wait right there.
Okay, I'll take him now.
Everything's got to move quite normally.
Now, I want him to feel like he's safe. Just give me a pack of cards.
What do you know?
They just handed the vice presidential nomination to that idiot Iselin.
Oh.
Hi, kid.
Who killed Jocie, Ben?
Tell me. I... I've got to know.
How about passing the time by playing a little solitaire?
All right.
Now let's start unlocking a few doors.
Let's begin with the patrol.
You didn't save our lives and take out an enemy company
or anything like that, did you, Raymond?
Did you?
- No. - What happened?
The patrol was taken by a Russian airborne unit
and flown by helicopter
across the Manchurian border to a place called Tonghua.
We were worked on for three days
by a team of specialists from the Pavlov Institute in Moscow.
They've developed a technique for descent into the unconscious mind...
part light-induced and part drug.
Never mind all that. Not now.
Tell me what else happened at Tonghua.
We were drilled for three days.
We were made to memorize the details of the imaginary action.
What else?
And I strangled Ed Mavole
and shot Bobby Lembeck.
One red queen works pretty good.
Let's see what we get with two of 'em. Keep playing.
Then I killed Mr. Gaines.
It was just a test.
It didn't matter who I killed.
They picked him to see if all the linkages still worked
before they turned me over to my American operator.
And that business about jumping in the lake?
It really did happen.
It was an accident.
Something somebody said in the bar accidentally triggered it.
Keep playing.
Then I killed Senator Jordan
and after that, I...
You are to forget everything that happened at the senator's house.
Do you understand, Raymond?
You'll only remember it when I tell you so.
You are to forget about it. Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
Now, Raymond,
now the big one.
Why... Why is all of this being done?
What have they built you to do?
I don't know.
I don't think anybody really knows except Berezovo in Moscow
and my American operator here.
Well, whatever it is, it's supposed to happen soon.
Right at the convention.
Maybe it...
I don't know.
They can make me do anything, Ben, can't they?
Anything.
We'll see, kid.
We'll see what they can do and we'll see what we can do.
So the red queen is our baby.
Well, take a look at this, kid.
Fifty-two of them.
Take a good look at 'em, Raymond. Look at 'em.
And while you're looking, listen.
This is me, Marco, talking.
Fifty-two red queens and me are telling you.
You know what we're telling you? It's over.
The links, their beautifully conditioned links are smashed.
They're smashed as of now because we say so,
because we say they are to be smashed.
We're bustin' up the joint. We're tearing out all the wires.
We're busting it up so good,
all the queen's horses and all the queen's men
will never put old Raymond back together again.
You don't work anymore.
That's an order.
Anybody invites you to a game of solitaire,
you tell 'em, "Sorry, buster. The ball game is over."
It's time for my American operator to give me the plan.
Yes?
Yes, I understand, Mother.
She wants me to go.
There's a car waiting for me downstairs.
The convention's adjourned. It reconvenes at 9:00 for the acceptance speeches.
I don't think anything will happen until then.
I'd better go now.
Here's a number.
I've got 500 people at my disposal, a thousand if I need them.
You call me at that number. Try to call me by 8:30.
Or as soon as you find out whatever it is they want you to do.
I'll be waiting.
Yes, sir.
Raymond.
Remember, Raymond, the wires have been pulled.
They can't touch you anymore.
You're free.
It's been decided that you will be dressed as a priest
to help you get away in the pandemonium afterwards.
Chunjin will give you a two-piece Soviet Army sniper's rifle
that fits nicely into a special bag.
There's a spotlight booth that won't be in use.
It's up under the roof on the Eighth Avenue side of the Garden.
You will have absolutely clear, protected shooting.
You are to shoot the presidential nominee through the head,
and Johnny will rise gallantly to his feet
and lift Ben Arthur's body in his arms
and stand in front of the microphones and begin to speak.
The speech is short,
but it's the most rousing speech I've ever read.
It's been worked on here and in Russia on and off for over eight years.
I shall force someone to take the body away from him.
Then Johnny will really hit those microphones and those cameras,
with blood all over him,
fighting off anyone who tries to help him,
defending America even if it means his own death,
rallying a nation of television viewers into hysteria
to sweep us up into the White House
with powers that will make martial law seem like anarchy.
Now, this is very important.
I want the nominee to be dead
about two minutes after he begins his acceptance speech,
depending on his reading time under pressure.
You are to hit him right at the point that he finishes the phrase,
"Nor would I ask of any fellow American in defense of his freedom
that which I would not gladly give myself.
My life before my liberty."
Is that absolutely clear?
Would you repeat it for me, Raymond?
Nor would I ask of any fellow American...
- In defense of his freedom... - in defense of his freedom...
- that which I would not gladly... - that which I would not gladly give...
- give myself. - myself.
- My life... - My life...
- before my liberty. - before my liberty.
I know you will never entirely comprehend this, Raymond,
but you must believe I did not know it would be you.
I served them. I fought for them.
I'm on the point of winning for them the greatest foothold
they will ever have in this country.
And they paid me back
by taking your soul away from you.
I told them to build me an assassin.
I wanted a killer from a world filled with killers,
and they chose you
because they thought it would bind me closer to them.
But now we have come almost to the end.
One last step,
and then when I take power,
they will be pulled down and ground into dirt
for what they did to you
and what they did in so contemptuously underestimating me.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
Testing. One, two, three, four, five, six.
Hit the lights. Lights.
Lights out.
Lights!
Why hasn't he called?
It was a calculated risk, Ben. You were right to take it.
Even if it's not true, it's nice of you to say it.
The Garden's filling up.
Take it easy.
- 8:44. - I know.
If Steinkamp doesn't take off that stupid hat and stop messin' around with those broads,
I'm gonna bust him into a PFC.
Easy, Ben.
Okay, Milt, I blew it. I blew it!
My magic is better than your magic.
I should've known better.
Intelligence officer. Stupidity officer is better.
If the Pentagon ever wants to open up a stupidity division,
they know who they can get to lead it.
Well, Raymond was theirs. He is theirs.
He'll always be theirs.
There's time. He may still call.
For money?
No.
That's what I figured.
- Let's get the hell out of here. - All right, Ben. Let's go.
Milt, I tell you, you've got to stop this thing.
Stop it? How can I stop it? On what evidence?
If there was a bomb planted here, you got a tip that there was, you'd stop it fast enough.
You'd empty the White House if you had to.
I tell you, there's a bomb here, a time bomb that's just waiting to go off.
Ladies and gentlemen, our national anthem.
~ Oh, say, can you see ~
~ By the dawn's early light ~
~ What so proudly we hailed ~
~ At the twilight's last gleaming? ~
- ~ Whose broad stripes and bright stars ~ - Stop twitching.
Raymond has never missed with a rifle in his life.
~ Through the perilous fight ~
~ O'er the ramparts we watched ~
~ Were so gallantly streaming ~
~ And the rocket's red glare ~
~ The bombs bursting in air ~
~ Gave proof through the night ~
~ That our flag was still there ~
~ Oh, say does that star-spangled banner ~
~ Yet wave ~
~ For the land of the free ~
We're in like Flynn, lover.
~ And the home ~
~ Of the brave ~~
- Ladies and gentlemen... - All you have to do is take it easy.
I give you the next president of the United States,
Benjamin K. Arthur!
Mr. Chairman,
delegates,
my fellow Americans,
it is with great humility,
albeit with enormous pride
and with a sense of the job to be done,
that I most humbly and most gratefully
accept this nomination for the highest office in our land.
It is with a full awareness
that the four years that lie ahead for this country
are, in a sense, the crucial years.
The years,
if I may borrow Mr. Churchill's phrase,
"the years of decision."
And, if I may be permitted a phrase of my own,
the years of striving.
For it is not what has been done in the past,
or what may be done against the far horizons
of some distant future,
but what will be done now.
...that you, my fellow Americans,
have placed on my shoulders.
Nor will I ask of any fellow American
in defense of his freedom...
Excuse me.
...that which I would not gladly give myself.
My life before my liberty!
You couldn't have stopped them. The army couldn't have stopped them.
So I had to. That's why I didn't call.
Oh, God, Ben.
Poor Raymond.
Poor friendless, friendless Raymond.
He was wearing his medal when he died.
You should read some of the citations some time.
Just read them.
"Taken eight prisoners, killing four enemy in the process,
while one leg and one arm were shattered
and he could only crawl because the other leg had been blown off.
Edwards.
Wounded five times,
dragged himself across the direct fire of three enemy machine guns
to pull two of his wounded men to safety
amid 69 dead and 203 casualties.
Holderman."
Made to commit acts
too unspeakable to be cited here
by an enemy who had captured his mind and his soul.
He freed himself at last
and, in the end,
heroically and unhesitatingly gave his life to save his country.
Raymond Shaw.
Oh, hell!
Hell!